Fighting the Urge
by vellaky
Summary: OneShot ‘She stares at the glass; fighting an urge she had long since put to rest.’ An aftermath fic looking at how Paige felt and dealt with the events of 'the Fifth Halliwheel'.


**Prompt # 08: Bourbon.**

**Spoilers: All episodes up to The Fifth Halliwheel in season 4.**

**Pairings: All cannon.**

**Well I'm back. I'm currently trying to write 100 prompt fics and my fandoms have changed slightly so all forthcoming fics will be jumping all over the fandoms ;)**

**Read, review and enjoy guys!**

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She has been sitting here for over three hours now. The club is empty and has been since it closed at 4am. She stares at the glass; fighting an urge she had long since put to rest. Her urges are always there, but they are a dull throbbing in the back of her head. The first time they became obvious was when her parents died; she had only just given up the drink. This is the second time and it is stronger than the last… and there is no one to stop her. Before there was Glen… Now there is just Paige. Paige and Jim.

She picks up the tumbler and holds it in front of her face, studying its contents. The only conclusion she comes to after her staring competition with the ginger liquid is bittersweet. Years ago she could find answers in the bottom of a bottle. Here and now, there are none.

She knew that things with Cole would come to light eventually but she wanted them to be on her terms. Still, if she has learned anything from Piper and Phoebe in her short time of knowing them it is that things happen for a reason. She has yet to figure out what that reason is – all she does know is that it isn't at the bottom of a Jim Beam bottle… no matter how much she wishes it was.

How is she supposed to face Phoebe after tonight? 'I still don't trust your fiancé, pass the milk?'. She shouldn't have said anything. She should have changed the subject. She should not have told Phoebe that she didn't trust him. She knows nothing of Phoebe's hardships with Cole. She hasn't been there since their beginning. Cole isn't just Phoebe's boyfriend now. They are getting married… in a week.

She grips the glass tight.

Where does this leave the three of them? Piper left with Phoebe, which obviously puts her on Phoebe's side, and why wouldn't she have left with her? Paige is the newbie of the family – the true black sheep. They will probably ask her to move back out. And maybe moving in with them was perhaps too fast a decision for all of them. She had only been asked to move in because of Charmed duties, which was what made her reluctant. But when her apartment caught on fire, she didn't have much of a choice. It was done all backwards. Maybe being on her own again isn't such a bad idea.

She raises the glass to her lips.

Do they know she is not at home yet? Do they care? Phoebe is most likely ranting; Piper is either trying to calm her down or joining in. She hopes it's the former, but knows Piper better than that. It was Phoebe, after all, who had accepted her without question. Does she regret it now?

She tips the glass back but pulls it away as soon as the smell hits her nostrils. She does not remember it being such a repugnant smell. She stares at the glass again, ignoring the fact that her hand is shaking and focusing more on the fact that she nearly washed five years of being sober down the drain. She feels ill. The instant she feels the bile rise up in the back of her throat she puts the glass down and pushes it away. She is up like a shot and running for the bathrooms to empty her stomach all the while chastising herself.

It isn't until she is finished that she realizes that someone is standing behind her, holding her hair and rubbing her back. Soothing words hit her ears and she goes rigid. When she turns around the first thing she can think to do is defend herself. "I never touched a drop, I swear." And she wants to scream it because on some level it makes her feel proud, but she knows how close she came to losing that fight and so she mumbles it instead because she also hates herself.

"It's okay," comes the reply. "I believe you."

And it's those five words that make her burst into tears and lunge into her big sister's arms.

It takes Phoebe a millisecond to respond, but she wraps her arms around Paige and slumps down in the stall next to her, kissing her once on the forehead and whispering words of comfort.

And it's those actions that make her realize, that maybe everything is going to be okay despite it all.


End file.
